Tuesday, April 2, 2013
I'm a closet-worrier. I can even fool myself into thinking I'm not a worrier because I can be so easy going until I realize that I'm not sleeping because of things on my mind, which we all know is just a euphemism for big ol' fat Worry.
God is so much greater than my worries, so why do I worry? If He works something out for me that turns out positive then Amen. May He be glorified in that goodness and may I have Joy. And if He works something out certainly not the way I would have done things (thank goodness for that, though, even though it doesn't seem like goodness at the time), then Amen to that and may He be glorified and may I have Joy!
And he HAS done so many good things in my life. Not to mention all the things that He has arranged differently as to how I would have done things (see above) that I am SO thankful because if I had had my way then HOO BOY! life would have been just that much worse. So if God has shown His goodness, His timeliness, His profound wisdom in all things, not just my own little life, then why do I worry.
Just this week three amazing things happened in our life that I was worrying about. THREE THINGS. That's a lot of worry over nothing, you all. And they are not big things, but they were there and unresolved and so therefore I worried. Because that's what I do.
The first was that our house wouldn't rent, or that it would rent but then we wouldn't know the people, or that we would know the people but that they would destroy the house with more than just yellow Sharpie and then our friendship would be strained and possibly lost and then that would just be one more thing to worry about. I can really get lost in my worries!
The second was that I thought I had lost my engagement ring last week. I kept realizing I hadn't found it yet and then I'd get busy and forget to look for it. Finally Sunday night I finally looked for it and realized that the usual places that I kept it really were empty and that I didn't just think I had lost it, but that it really was lost! I could not sleep that night, but kept dreaming that I was searching and searching and then I'd find it, only to wake up and realize it was only a dream and I still didn't have my ring. This morning, bleary with bags under my eyes, I searched this place from top to bottom. It was like the scene in the Hobbit with me as Gollum tearing up drawers, digging down into vents and under appliances, raiding the trash, all the while fighting back tears of anger and frustration at myself for not putting it away properly.
The third was that I couldn't figure out how we were going to make this Spring schedule work with all three kids in soccer, piano for two of them, OT for one of them, carpool and my work. HOW would it happen. I lost sleep over this one more than one night, I can tell you.
Here's the deal: House is rented. Ring was found. Schedule works out. Just. Like. That.
God is good. All the time. With or without my worrying. No matter how things turn out. He keeps giving me these everyday miracles of answered prayer to my worries, even though I continue to worry. My hope and prayer is that each time this happens my faith will be a bit stronger and my memory a bit longer so I can remember these blessings so next time, hopefully, if I feel the need to worry, I won't as much.